The most important decision you’ll ever make…

We spend most of our lives working.

I think it’s a travesty that school going kids are allowed so little time to build worthwhile skills that will actually help them in real life…

They spend hours at school doing academic work– then hours at home doing more school work – the rest of the time away from all the tedious repetition is spent preparing for more school the next day- all in the effort to, hopefully, get them good jobs one day.

Our lives are so wrapped up in work that for most people work is where we spend most of our time and energies.

I’ve written a lot about chasing dreams, living out your true passion etc… this post is not about that. This is about something far more important because getting this right will give you that push you need to pursue a joy-filled life.

This morning my phone was giving me hassles… Eventually I called my husband to help me – he did. And as happens sometimes, we argued due to misunderstanding – I think it drives him insane how little I know about technical stuff- or perhaps it’s how little I choose to know that irks him… It drives me mad how impatient he can get with me sometimes – but in the end, despite the riff raff, we got the software my phone needed and I was well on my way to breathing life back into my precious gadget- with his help.

And so it’s been over the years with this guy. Regardless of our ups and downs – what I know for sure is that my husband celebrates me.

He champions me on even when I don’t feel so fantastic about myself.

There are times I’ve embarked on quests he has no interest in and yet he still supports me wholeheartedly in and through them.

So often I’ve felt beaten by life – and sometimes badgered by other humans – in those times when I’ve questioned myself, my intentions and if I really am who I think I am – My husband has been at my side cheering me on helping me believe I’m way more than I imagine of myself.

It’s a powerful thing to partner with someone who believes in a greater you than even You envision.

When we had our first child I wanted nothing more than to stay home and be with my boy. My husband supported that.

Later I felt the tug of my profession and I wanted to work. But I was conflicted because I didn’t want to leave my son– I remember sitting in the living room pondering, wracked with indecision… My husband sat next to me holding our son… I received the freedom to go with what my heart desired (without guilt) when I heard him say: “Luke, it’s important for all of us that Mommy’s happy.”

When again I wanted to quit my job and “just find myself” he supported that too – He assured me he’d take care of me.

When I shared with him my ideas for the business I envisioned– He was there not only supporting me but helping me make it happen.

There are times I’ve asked him for his thoughts on successful women and men who find them intimidating.

His response: “I don’t get it,” he’ll say. “If your wife is up there kicking serious butt, why would you not want that? Why wouldn’t you be proud of her and go “Hey that’s MY wife up there!”

Billionaire businesswoman, Sheryl Sandberg, who’s mostly famous for being number two at the Facebook organisation (she’s the COO) says truly partnering with your partner (spouse) is vital to a woman’s career.

It’s just as important for a woman’s man to be at her side and him be totally supportive of her as it is for a man to have his woman at his side, utterly supportive of him.

When I had a regular job my husband never made me feel that his job was more important than mine. It wasn’t a given that when someone needed to stay home with our son that someone would be me.

I honour my husband for a time he specifically took leave to look after our son while I did a gig I really wanted to do.

I cannot forget a young woman I met years ago. She was distraught because her boyfriend was extremely anti her success.

And of course she was miserable. As she spoke I could hear how torn she was.

She told me how she loved him but didn’t know if things would work out for them because he seemed to hinder any progress she tried to make…

I knew she’d have a hard time being with him. And if they ended up choosing to spend their lives together it was guaranteed she would be frustrated, depressed and bitterly unhappy.

Dreams matter no matter who’s they are.

I started this post talking about how much we invest in work.

Even before children can make conscious decisions to invest in their careers we parents are already grooming them.

I think the logic goes as follows: Learn to read and write so you’ll do well at school, so you’ll get good grades, so you’ll have tremendous career opportunities, eventually find an awesome job- and work the rest of your worthwhile life doing it.

If it were up to me a significant amount of time invested in raising children would be helping them understand the importance of the marriage relationship.

Many of us come from broken homes so marriage is an extremely sore part of our lives. But I believe God heals.

Recently I heard a young woman say she believed in God to give her something far better than what her parents had. She’d witnessed so much pain as a result of their broken relationship and yet she believed in better for herself.

I have faith that she will begin a new legacy.

Last week my husband and I listened to Joseph Prince’s teaching on parenting. Yesterday in conclusion to his message Joseph said he heard Father tell him to tell husbands that the way for them to have influence over their children was to love their Mommies.

I pray we would live the kind of lives and marriages that help our children make that all important decision of who they choose to partner with for life.

If it were up to me this issue would be quite significant too in Sunday school… we can’t just teach about God parting the Red Sea and the five loaves and fishes – yes those are VITAL teachings of our faith in God but God Himself talks a lot, A LOT, about marriage in The Scriptures – should we not explore those teachings too?

And as for mainstream school – at every single level of education (if it were up to me) I’d have this topic explored- an MBA study should have a whole section on choosing the right life partner!

This stuff really matters people…

It’s not ok that the one thing that matters most (beside Salvation) is left to chance and hormones.

I know my husband has dreams. But sometimes when I ask him what they are he’ll say: “Ah babe your dreams are enough for me. I just take such pleasure in all the guys that had an opportunity with you, one day, knowing they blew it!”

Of course such words bring a thousand smiles to my belly and are honey to my soul…

Sheryl says: “The most important decision you’ll ever make is who you’ll marry.”

And yet we spend most of our parenting and schooling grooming kids to work, with very little impartation for the most important decision of their lives: A decision that will impact them (and others) for good or for really-messed-up for as long as they live.

Most girls are groomed from a very young age on how to take care of their men.

While I think this to be important (and I agree with it) here’s my problem with this picture: Why are (far too many) boy children not groomed to look after their women? And why are (far too many) girls not taught that their dreams matter and they shouldn’t settle for anyone who doesn’t believe that!

One of the questions, every person, man or woman, should ask themselves when delving into a romantic relationship is: “Does this person care about my dreams? And do they support me achieving them?”

Before we even commit to the extremely serious matter of marriage we have to ask ourselves again: “Does the person I’m choosing to spend every day of my life with care about my dreams? And do they support me achieving them?”

It’s not just about career dreams – it’s about all that you believe will bring you joy. What will bring you joy in this life? Does your partner care and do they support you?

The most important decision you’ll ever make (beside Salvation) is not what job you’ll do when you grow up; it’s who you’ll marry and stay married to for all your life.

My husband talks about me being big one day with such conviction as though he’s seen the future and knows for sure it’ll happen.

The day we made it legal...
The day we made it legal…

I don’t know if I’ll be “big” one day – For me the life I live every day tells me I’ve arrived. It may seem mundane to some, and it’s extremely stressful, but it’s joy I didn’t imagine for myself.

Big for me has come to be a state of mind. It’s being absolutely content with right now and being joyful about what lies ahead with excitement and hope.

My husband’s idea of “BIG”, is, I believe what most people believe it to be: mind-blowing success that sheds awe on all that encounter it.

I don’t know if I’ll ever attain that level of Big – but my husband sure does believe it for me.

I cannot express fully here what that means to me and how it fuels me on.


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