I hate being vulnerable

It’s a scary thing to open yourself up.

Most people live most of their lives closed – too scared about what may happen if they open up – even a little.

I can be quite candid. It makes some people uncomfortable – even some of my closest friends and family. But let me please be the first to tell you that I don’t like sharing that much either.

But here’s the power of opening up oneself – it has the ability to change things, people and situations. The truth is hard. It’s hard to tell and often it’s hard to receive.

Someone who had struggled with their weight for years once said something very profound to me: The soul feeds on truth. When it’s starved of truth it feeds on something else. This is the source of addictions.

I recently wrote a book that I loved writing and had known for a long time I’d write but when I decided to make it public – I was terrified. I posted the link to it on my facebook page and on the same day deleted the post. Why? I was scared to be that vulnerable.

I thought of what this level of openness had cost some people when it came to work and other business opportunities. I’m a business coach for crying out loud – what would potential clients think of such detail about my personal life?

And in that moment of fear the lizard brain took over. And I let it win.

I loathed myself for such weakness. But as soon as the lizard brain had declared its victory with the deleting of my fb post – I realised what I’d done. I’d given in to fear of how I’d look over the purpose of┬áthe book.

I had to get my power back from that lizard brain. So I wrote this post. And I won’t be deleting it.

I hate being vulnerable. It’s hard and it’s not fun at all. But I’ve realised this: when I allow my truth to be told my soul is satisfied.

We’ve been taught that fear, pain, discomfort, ridicule and yes even rejection are terrible things and we should do everything we can to avoid them. What a waste! These states in wise hands are priceless (irreplaceable) tools to get us to our destiny. The best news: They are all outward feelings that deceive us into believing they are inner gauges. I beg you to not believe this lie.

I’ve often wondered how I would know when my work was a success. At first I thought it would be my clients telling me how much my courses had changed their lives – or my blog readers telling me how something I wrote so resonated with them or settled inner battles- but nope. While all these are flattering that’s not how I measure my success.

I measure my success by how satisfied my soul is. When I’m happy and feel good about Hannah and what she stands for (no matter how cringe-worthy) then (regardless of who applauds and who doesn’t) I’m an utter and total success.

 

P.S. I don’t often dedicate posts but this one is for my dear friend Loiyde. Tell your truth and dare to live it every day. I love you much my friend. I await your greatness to be revealed.

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