Help! I’m drowning!

Sometimes the only way I’m able to process the parabolas of life are sharing them with you.

So I thought to share a somewhat personal battle I’m struggling with right now – depression.

Yeah dude it does happen to the most successful and most beautiful of us – it’s called life 🙂

So anyway the past couple of weeks have been a whirlwind – a crazy time of constantly asking “You said my purpose in life was what again?” Hehehehehe – I can laugh now – but you know those days, ladies, when you just wanna walk around in your jammies – go to the store with rollers in your hair and BO that would make paint peel off walls – yep I’m talking that down in the dumps.

I don’t know what guys do when they’re depressed – what do guys do when you don’t feel up to life? Do you just not shave for a couple of days?

Sometimes I wonder if it’s not harder on our men with them being raised to not cry and to “keep it together at all times.”

I mean when life’s pretty crap for a man – do you guys really talk about it? Do men ever allow any kind of vulnerability that screams out: “Help – I’m drowning?” How would we, the women in their lives respond to that? Who knows – all I know is that I’m drowning and I’m battling to get out of my jammies and the rollers in my head are pretty much growing roots in my scalp (of course not really – but you get the picture).

I guess women have that weird pressure too: the demands (from ourselves and others) to be everything to everyone – not complain because we’re supposed to be and do a gazillion things all at once because apparently we’re “great multi-taskers” – yeah I kinda missed that skill when it was being handed out.

Most of the time these days even making tea is a chore for me. I can feel the air being sucked out of my lungs and while I feel helpless to stop this state from utterly consuming me I want to talk about it because I know I can’t be alone in how I feel.

So I’m kinda being open about this very weird slump that is gobbling up my creativity, my drive, my love and eroding my purpose because I want to share a ray of sunlight with you.

In a recent post I wrote about how I was reading Stormie Omartian’s Power of a Praying Woman – that, people, is what’s keeping me afloat and sane.

Reading from this woman who has opened up about the real struggles of her life and how she puts them at the feet of Jesus is the only reason I can take the rollers out of my hair (figuratively) and get up to go through the day. That and YHWH’s grace.

And as horrible as I feel most of the time – I acknowledge that I don’t have the luxury of indulging in this sometimes debilitating feeling.

Yesterday I watched Bethany Hamilton’s movie. And I was thinking – “I have no right to be depressed.”

Google Bethany – her story is quite something.

[Welcome back if you just took a break from my sop story to read about Bethany. She’s quite something huh? :)] Anyway….

Here’s the thing – please do not compare your experiences with other people.

Do not allow others or even yourself to tell You that You have no right to how you feel and you should just get over it “because other people are worse off.”

Other people are worse off. Far worse off than you could possibly ever manage. But that does not mean that what you’re going through is a non-event.

Anyway I promised a ray of sunshine- So here’s a portion of Stormie’s Power of a Praying Woman book that I cannot get passed – Stormie writes:

“I am a fairly disciplined person for the most part. But I wasn’t always that way.

“There was a time in my life when I was the exact opposite. I was plagued with depression. And, as many of you who have been depressed know, you can’t think clearly or organise your life well when you are struggling to find a reason to live. You are unable to do the things that are good for you because you don’t know if you’re worth it. You don’t move forward in your life because it takes all your energy just to survive each day.”

As I read Stormie’s words I was like “No way!” It’s like this woman had ripped out a page in my journal and exposed me to the world. But this was her experience – and every word was what I was (and still am) going through.

And here’s the good part – Stormie didn’t stay in that state. She goes on to write:

“When I started learning to pray about every aspect of my life, I asked God to help me be disciplined enough to be daily in His Word, to pray faithfully, and to take the steps of obedience I needed to take.

“I asked Him to deliver me from depression and anything else that kept me from all He had for me. I was surprised at how quickly God answered those prayers.”

So you can imagine that these are my prayers too right now.

I don’t think there has ever been a great woman or man who has had easy sailing with sun shiny days all their lives. Darkness does come. “Happily ever After” remains only in fairy-tales.

Growing up is knowing to enjoy the fairy-tales when they’re happening and but also acknowledging that sometimes there will be ogres to run from or fight – (and most of them are not as cute as Shrek!)

The slumps and dips of life do sometimes tap us on the shoulder and make getting up in the morning tough.

So while getting up is tough for me right now – I’m making the effort to get up and I’m speaking to close prayerful friends about it – well and I’ve told you now.

Despite what feels like a deep void that threatens to consume me I know the greatness of my life that is still there. And I know that this will pass.

It’s not easy and feels really really rubbish.

But here’s what I’m finding out – for the most part I have to want to be better. I’m the one who has to find out how to get out of my storm.

So I’m seeking fantastic powerful testimonies like Stormie’s and Bethany’s. And I’m praying.

And in this soppy story – that really is the good news.