July 2015

July 20, 2015

What if You Jumped?

A couple of years ago I jumped!

I left my job with no back-up plan- to be honest I didn’t even have a plan to begin with.

But I knew in my heart I couldn’t go on the way I was. I was miserable. I was sinking. And deep down I knew I had to let go and just jump!

Jumping without a plan isn’t something I recommend- at least have some kind of parachute.

But for my situation I needed to go cold turkey and start anew.

I remember sitting in my then boss’ office trying to explain why I was leaving. My eyes stung with hot tears- I was trying hard to keep them back (because who on earth want’s to cry in front of their boss?!)- but I knew I was deciding on a path I needed to travel.

It’s been four years since.

I wish I could say it’s been easy- that I found my Eat Pray Love moment and everything, including “my liver” is constantly smiling.

I wish I could. But I won’t. Because that wouldn’t be true.

It has been anything but easy.

Today I jokingly told my friend, “There’ve been times I marked RIP on my dreams…” It happens when going after what you love. It’s not as easy as you hope. But my Gosh has it been worth it!

I wouldn’t be who I am right now had I stayed where I was four years ago-

Every day I receive messages from people who tell me what my work means to them-

As a Personal Branding coach I’ve come to learn that Personal Branding is not about arrogance- It’s not about flaunting who you are as though the sun, earth and moon should worship you- Personal Branding is about connecting with you who you are, honouring that and choosing to discover how what is on the inside of you can be of service to others.

I’ve learned to earn money doing what I love- that’s what successful Personal Branding does. I continue to be dedicated to learning even more every single day because I know that I have what so many want but don’t have- the opportunity to give my all to what I was designed to do.

I was telling a few people yesterday that I still get so excited seeing money coming into my account from work I did that is 100% a reflection of who I am.

When I think of my journey it spurs me on to encourage others to go after what they truly want to do with their lives.

Again I don’t recommend jumping blindly- have a plan. But do plan to give the beat of your heart all you know how.

It won’t be easy. Those stories of overnight success are just that- stories.

The thing is the hard work and all it will require of you to achieve your dreams isn’t much different from working a regular job making someone else rich. Why not use that precious energy to empower you, build something that’s yours that will not only bless you financially but in it’s purest form impact the lives of others as well?

I’ve built my business around equipping others to achieve their dreams. Because I know that if a once upon a time stay-at-home mom like me, who had no business acumen when she started out can do it- anyone can.

Today, right this moment, I dare you to ask Yourself what would happen if you jumped?

Much Love,

Hannah

P.S. If you’ve been feeling the urge to jump click here for a parachute 🙂

July 20, 2015

Mushy Love

Our kids are two and (almost) four and they OWN us!

In the wee hours of the morning they barge into our room… and their demands begin- They either want to crawl into bed with us- or they want tea- or Barney…

At any time of the day they find us wherever we are, very confidently ask us for what they need (want)- their approach is never apologetic and never do they seem to wonder if we care enough to give them what they need. They simply expect it.

Before I had kids I thought I’d be a strict mom. I thought I’d lay down the law and bums would Burn if those laws were violated! But now that my kids are here, their dad and I are putty in their hands. Of course we know that loving them includes discipline- and while most times I feel as though I live in a Zoo- it’s sure not a free for all. There are boundaries and when those boundaries are crossed- well you get the picture. BUT for the most part we’re mush when it comes to our children.

inside holding Luke made cropped bigger — With my Beautiful Son

What I’d like to highlight here is the confidence with which our kids interact with us.

This morning I was drinking tea and my daughter toddled to me and said she wanted to sit on my lap. I let her and she drank what was left of my tea. Tea I wanted! But it was a joy sharing that moment with her. I watched her tiny little hands and face as she drank MY tea 🙂 The love juices that surged through me at that moment me shot through the roof!
I think Daddy God wants us to be like that with Him.
I watch my kids and I cannot believe that God would call Himself my Dad if He couldn’t at the very least be as mush toward me as I am toward my kids.
I think of how our kids barge into our room in the morning, demanding our attention- and I think Daddy God would love for us to march that confidently to Him and cry out “Daddy!”
But an ungodly fear has been placed in our hearts toward the One Being who Loves and Adores us more than we could ever imagine.
If Daddy God were as “strict” as we think Him to be- how many of us would survive the nonsense we get up to if He punished us as we deserve every time?
I’m not saying He’s a push over- not at all- but I think the same way my Guy and I melt when our kids walk into the room- Daddy God’s heart melts when we walk into His presence.
Just the way I’m swept away with major floods of feel good hormones when my daughter climbs onto my lap, Daddy God is thrilled when we approach Him with the same childhood abandon- trusting that He loves us and He won’t bark at us to go away when we go to Him.

I think one of the reasons we’re blessed with kids is to experience this crazy love we have for them- so crazy I think it actually makes no sense at all!
Whenever you feel all mushy toward your babies- remember Daddy God is that mushy about You ALL the time!

Much Love,

Hannah

July 6, 2015

The “End” could be Your New Beginning

I’ve battled with depression a number of times.
Each time was so terrifying I feared I’d come to the end of my life.

After my last encounter I thought I needed to share some of what I’ve gone through- in the hope that my story would resonate and give hope where there may only be despair,

My life drastically changed four years ago when I had my son Luke.
At the time I was a TV Journalist in what I could describe as the peak of my career.
It was during that period as a new mommy that I was head hunted by a leading Broadcaster in Business News- I had wanted to work with them for YEARS! For them to call me up and ask me to join their team was truly a dream come true!!!!

Five months working in my new job- my “dream job” I might add- I begun to unravel.
Although I was working only a few hours a day so I could dedicate most of my time to my little man, I was miserable.
At first I wasn’t sure what it was. Or maybe I did but was in denial.
The depression that had started out very slowly, soon turned into inexplicable tears in the most unexpected places- then quickly spiraled to an inability to get out of bed.

At the back of my mind I kept telling myself I’d get help if the depression took such a hold that I was unable to take care of my son… I shouldn’t have waited that long. Because surely that morning arrived when my beautiful boy toddled to me- lifted his arms for me to pick him up and I just stood there- Frozen- Unable to move- barely able to breathe.
I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. I wanted to call my husband (who was at work) to ask him to please come home because I needed his help!
Fortunately I had a lady helping me with Luke and she picked him up and took him to play while I thawed.

Once I could feel my feet again I rushed to my study to look for the help I should’ve sought months before.
I frantically called the numbers I could find- I was so desperate I felt I needed to get out of the house and be admitted to a facility. That process seemed too lengthy.
Eventually I got hold of a therapist and I blurted my STUCK to her and told her I needed to speak to someone today! I couldn’t wait for when she had a time open! I was desperate!
I felt a thousand lumps rise in my throat and hot tears sting my eyes as I mumbled, “I have a ten month old. And I can’t take care of him anymore.”
It was in that moment I realised the depth of my sadness. I realised how empty I felt. It hurt and stung in a million places.

My path to healing was a hard one.

In one of our sessions, I remember my therapist asking me, “What do you want Hannah?”
I shook my head. I didn’t know. Not anymore.
“What do you enjoy doing?” She prodded.
“Nothing,” I answered.
I felt that empty.
“But that’s not true,” my therapist said. “You told me you loved writing.”
I looked at her as she lifted her notes to me that showed that I had, at some point, told her I enjoyed writing.
I’d forgotten that. I’d forgotten so much about what it was that brought me joy. Somehow, all that had been swallowed into some deep dark hole and I was left with the feeling that I could do nothing that was worthwhile.

I wanted to get better.
I wanted to be able to pick my son, hold him, play and blow bubbles in the kitchen with him like we’d done once.
I missed tumbling on the bed with him and hearing his sunshine laughter.

I missed my life. I missed the Hannah who dreamed and hoped.
I had no idea how I’d lost so much of that in such a short period of time!
Eventually my healing happened.
My therapist wasn’t interested in dealing with “issues of the past”. We had now to deal with and every week she equipped me with tools to get my life back.

As I began to believe that my life wasn’t as over as it’d felt- I scoured the internet for stories that inspired me.
I found Jonathan Fields and his Good Life Project and that sparked something in me I’d let die.

It was Jonathan who inspired me to start the Dream BIG TV Show.

I read Seth Godin’s ‘The Dip’ and came to terms with the big moves I’d have to make if I wanted the fullness of release I sought.
That included letting go of the job I’d believed had been my dream job.

It was in therapy I had to the face the truth that I had changed. My dreams and desires had changed. There was nothing wrong with that. All it meant was that My path had to change too.

I left the job I’d once loved and never looked back. Neither did I regret that decision. Ever.

I’d like to share more about the other times I’ve battled with depression. Because what I’ve come to learn now is that while depression is horrible it can be an indicator of things in our lives that desperately need change.
For now what I’d like to say is that feeling as though you’ve come to the end of yourself is nothing to be ashamed of.
My husband has often told me that speaking about things breaks the power they hold over us. When we can call it by name- we can dispel it from our lives.

For some, depression is clinical and could be a result of chemical or hormonal imbalance- I don’t dare to pretend I understand that side of things.
But being a person who’s dealt with depression a number of times as a result of being completely overwhelmed by circumstance, I know first hand how dangerous depression can be if left to spiral completely out of control.

I know the feeling of worthlessness. I’ve experienced the feeling that I was so useless no one could ever love me. I know how it feels to wake up every morning terrified of the new day because I felt there was nothing in it for me. I know how it feels to believe my dreams weren’t worth pursuing- I know how it feels to believe I’m an utter failure. I know what it means to lose hope- completely. And despite all those feelings I’ve still risen from that destruction and proved that my life is valuable and worthwhile. And I’ve seen wonderful and amazing things happen after the depression.

I’ve learned that this should never be a struggle anyone ever needs to go through alone. And it SURELY isn’t a sign of weakness.

Above all I’ve learned that what may feel like the end can sometimes be the signal for a beautiful new beginning- if only we’ll read the signs and embrace the new adventure life is nudging us toward.

As always I wish you Love,

Hannah

– hannahviviers.com

July 1, 2015

Love. Completely.

WARNING: Please don’t read if you’re watching Grey’s Anatomy or The Good Wife on channels other than MNET 101 as will DEFINITELY ruin the series for you.

So the other day I told my Guy I love him. It was a different kind of telling because I’d never told him that way before.

Ever loved someone from a place of fear? You love them, deeper than you want to admit because something, at some point, taught you to never love that completely. It hurts too much.
That was me.

I loved my Guy but I never wanted to ever let him know how much.
I’d watch him sleeping and want to tell him in his sleep that I’d love him forever and ever. I never did.

I’d show him love but just enough to show him I cared but not enough that he’d “take me for granted.”
Once he said, “I’m the Love of your life.” I must’ve rolled my eyes because no man, I’d decided, would EVER hold such a title in my life. How dare he assign that title to himself!!!!
Then last year I was watching The Good Wife. Then SO unexpectedly Will died. Just like that. He was gone. I watched in disbelief hoping that episode was someone’s bad dream, the horrible nightmare would end and Will would be alive again.
But he was dead. Gone forever. I didn’t want to watch anymore! How could they kill Will just like that! I raged.
But I couldn’t stop watching. I had to see what Alicia would do. How would she respond to the love of her life been taken away so suddenly? No mercy. No warning. Just like that, he was gone.
She didn’t get to say goodbye. At the time they’d broken up. Still very much in love but they’d allowed “stuff” to get in the way. Now there was no second chance. No do overs.
I cried for days. For Alicia. And for me. Coz it took watching that tragedy, no matter how fictitious on tv, to realise that this Guy, this beautiful man named Rico Viviers WAS the love of my life.
I had loved him longer than I cared to admit.
All those years it was him I’d waited for. He was the dream I dreamed of since I was a child old enough to realise I wanted a husband one day.
He was my Will.
He was the one I saw when I listened to Ed Sheeran’s ‘Thinking Out Loud’.
I’d love him at 70. And beyond.
I’d loved him and yearned for him all the part of my life that mattered.
I cried over all the silent treatments I’d given him over the years. All the times I’d let “stuff” get in the way. And I cried because my Will was not dead. He was right here with me and I had our Now to love him completely. Without fear. Because loving him as truthfully as I could was a gift to me.

A few weeks ago I watched Merideth in Grey’s Anatomy wish her husband a safe trip.
“I wish I was coming with you,” she said as he was leaving. I knew then he wouldn’t be coming back. And he didn’t.
Last episode I watched she went off on a couple that was allowing “stuff” to get between them.
They could fight, they could argue, she told them because they still had each other to do so. “My husband is dead!” She told them. “I’d give anything to do any of those things with him!”

We should never look at life or love through the eyes of death.
I trust that my Guy and I will have decades more to have and love each other.
But I’ve come to realise that loving with reserve is not good enough.
So I finally ignored the fear and wrote this for my Guy: ‘I never told you this before because I was afraid to. But YOU Are the Love of my life. Having You is the best part of my every day. I love you love you love you. And if you never did a thing for me I’d still love you madly and wildly because you’re rooted deep in my heart. You. Not the stuff about you. Not the stuff you do- but You .’