Last night I overheard a heart-melting conversation between my three year old son Luke and his Dad.
Luke (as he was heading off to bed): Daddy I want to give you a hug, a kiss and a shake.
Dad: My boy! You’re SO cute! What did I do before You? Where were You?
Luke (very serious face): I don’t know Daddy!
I was in the kitchen, doing some mundane task, as they spoke…
My heart went uber soft and mushy- I felt a delicious, sunshiny warm, soft brownie gooeyness stream through my body- I smiled and thought to myself: This is what Happy feels like.
We’re a very normal family. We have a pretty normal existence. But yesterday as I listened to my husband and son talk I realised that what makes me feel as though my life is a tad spectacular, is the Love I feel in our home.
Fights happen. We sometimes hurt each other in words or deeds. We are far (FAR) from perfect… but somehow (and ONLY by God’s grace) that gooey, mushy, warm, fuzzy kind of Love is here.
That moment with my son and Husband were HUGE for me. Because I grew up in a house of constant fighting.
My parents Loved us and I guess they loved each other but the fighting between them was never-ending.
Growing up I didn’t really believe that a husband and wife could truly love each other.
By the time I’d reached my early 20s I thought marriage was a MASSIVE lie. And weddings were a HUGE waste of time for all involved- because after all, the two people standing up there at the alter, were lying to themselves and each other. They weren’t going to “cherish” each others as they proclaimed- they sure weren’t going to be faithful to one another and “Honour”? Oh PLEASE! Give me a MASSIVE break with a big fat Burger to boot. What a joke!
By the time I met my husband a part of me had gone cold. I was extremely bitter.
I went into our relationship with gritted teeth, fisted hands and rumbling anger in my heart I didn’t know I had.
I wanted to get married. But I didn’t believe it’d last. I never imagined my husband and I growing old together- or even having children together- I thought it’d all fall apart before either of those events took place.
I wanted to be happy. I so desperately wanted to experience Love and friendship like I’d seen in the movies. But I didn’t truly believe it could ever happen to me…
Fast forward to present day: It’s been eight years since our marriage started. Because of many things, but above all the insane hurt both my husband and I had been through, it’s a miracle we survived this long.
I don’t use that word “miracle” lightly here. It really and truly was nothing short of Divine Intervention.
I talk, write and post about my husband a lot. Because I adore him. And because I know where we’ve been and that what we have is rare and never to be taken for granted.
He’s my bestest friend. My most favourite person. The guy I get to have and enjoy my kids with. It’s his comfort and wisdom I turn to when life’s hard and downright nasty.
He’s the one I can’t wait to share the wonderful things of life with… I love him for giving me what I never thought possible- a happy home where Love feels Good.
In my teens I decided I wasn’t going to marry. I’d seen far too much hurt and wanted nothing to do with it.
One of my uncles said to me: “Hannah it doesn’t matter what Your parents have been through. God’s grace is sufficient for You.”
I remember those words now because I have seen God’s grace being more than enough.
I don’t know why it didn’t work out between my parents. They are good, beautiful people.
I don’t know how come after all My Guy and I went through with each other we’re still here.
All I know is God stepped in and by His Grace we chose to see His heart. For ourselves and for each other.
I believe we’re healed. We’re not walking in the fullness of that healing just yet but where we are is splendid.
I’ve heard people say Love is an action and not a feeling. I believe that to be absolutely true. But I also believe that Love is meant to feel good.
I didn’t know Love could feel good until I lived it with my husband.
My Guy… He is TALL and beautiful and he’s won my heart in a million and ten ways.
No one has, so far, managed to capture my being and all of me this way. SO yeah… while he breathes there’s only one man for me. And I cannot thank, praise and worship God enough for the gift that is my husband.
I don’t share anything of this to brag. We boast only in what God’s done for and in us. I share it because I believe there are many people who hang onto painful experiences that do not reflect what Love was meant to be.
And because I believe there are many people who’ve been deeply hurt, either by watching dysfunctional marriages or having being part of one themselves, that they no longer believe in the beauty that can be.
And because there maybe someone reading this who may want to give up on what could be an amazing marriage if God stepped in. I know because I saw God turn water into wine when it came to our marriage.
There was a time I never thought My Guy and I would be where we are now. I never believed that in this life I could experience a healthy marriage, tremendous intimacy, deep connection, juicy friendship and Love that blows me away everyday.
We didn’t trade each other in- we traded in our hurt for God’s wholeness. So I know and I know and I KNOW that it’s possible.
My Guy and I haven’t figured out Love- or what makes it work- I think if we did we’d probably bottle it and make a billion bucks from it 🙂
No, we’re just two people who hobbled along- wounded- crying- weeping- giving up many many times but somehow we found God’s grace and believed it for ourselves.
What I can say is that we know that when Jesus is the centre, everything else seems to fall into place. And that we got for free 🙂 We pray You’d grab hold of it too.
Please don’t stop praying, believing and above all trusting God for the kind of Love that You want. I prayed it for myself, I pray it over my children and I pray it for anyone who wants to experience Love in marriage and family as God intended.
May You experience Love that will make you feel empowered, strong, honoured and full of grace.
Above all things today, I wish You Love.