Month: August 2013

I was quite happy to find out that I was not the only person to suffer from bouts of envy from time to time.

When I realised I could get embarrassingly envious at times – I was quite surprised at myself- mostly because I, simply put, love my life.

One day as a heavy cloud of envy hung over me I cried out to God: “Father deliver me from this! What the hell is this feeling! I don’t want to be envious of others! I want to be happy with what I have and I want to be ecstatic when others succeed- Father help me!”

I was very blessed in that this prayer was answered almost immediately- the feelings I had of wanting what the person I was envying had – disappeared.

But I knew such moments would rise again in my life and the earnest prayer in my life was that Father would truly deliver me from the spirit of envy- not just this one time but for always.

One of the immediate results of this was that I began to focus more on my own dream- the dream I’d had ever since I was a child.

Before my release from envy I’d have a gazillion ideas running through my head each day- they were all great ideas- but the urgency to get them done was stressing me out rather than blessing me.

I was in a state of constantly trying this or that, desperate to get to where I saw others were getting- in the meantime my passion and my deepest desires were often left on the side lines.

I couldn’t pour my all into my dream because… my dream didn’t feel big enough.

In my mind my dream wasn’t as lucrative as what others were doing- it wasn’t happening fast enough for me. Others were succeeding and making lots of money (and sometimes fame) doing what they were doing and I seemed stuck in a rut- and moving backwards.

That morning I asked Father to deliver me from the spirit of envy- that was the first time in a very long time that my dream felt crystal clear in every part of my body.

I received renewed strength and energy to pursue it- and suddenly my dream was enough.

I was still aware of how much more successful others were compared to me- but it didn’t matter. Because now I was on a mission that was wonderful and big and it was something set before me to do. And I was going to do it with excellence. And in my heart I knew that once I really delved into making my dream come true – I’d be pretty hard to beat. I was going to be the best at achieving my dream – because God had fully equipped me  for it.

If you decide to focus on your dream and cut out all the other crap you’re wasting time on- you’ll find that no one else can fulfil your dream better than you. Not because they’re not as talented, or as smart or as whatever- but simply because your dream was given to you to achieve. And therefore, to be quite honest, only you can achieve it in the way it was meant to be achieved. No one else could ever fulfil for this world what God designed specially for you.

Often we benchmark ourselves against others.

We may not say it out loud but sometimes we look at someone else and think:

“I’m not as pretty as…”

“I’m not as smart as…”

“I’m not as creative… or successful, or innovative or rich, or smart or gifted or…”

The list goes on of things we’re not “as” whatever as the next person. And that’s ok.

There’s one thing I settled in my heart and in my head many years ago: That when it came to winning my husband’s heart it would never ever be because I was the prettiest girl in the world (they would always ALWAYS be someone more attractive)… it would never be because I was the smartest, there would always be a brighter chic than me around the corner, it would never be because I was the best at anything- there would always always be someone who could do whatever I could do better- and so I rested in just being me. Because no one could ever (not ever) beat me at being Me. WHOA!

Instead of worrying if I was “good enough” and being threatened by other women, I chose instead to be grateful that there were so many other women he could have chosen to marry but he chose me.

I realised then that all I could do was continue to be me- because the Me he fell in love with was a girl he found to be ultra-special. And that was that.

I think it’s the same in most things we do.

There might be others who are  better but what makes you and I excellent in a specific something is that we focus with all our being to let what is in our hearts pour out.

What I’ve learned Dear Friend is this- what comes out of a sincere heart cannot be replicated.

Don’t worry about others running in their lane- keep running in yours. Set your eyes on your  finish line. You’re not in a race against  everyone else- you need to know that.

We’re told envy is the Green-Eyed Monster. What we’re not told often enough is how greedy it is and how it’s never satisfied. We’re not told of how destructive it can be. And I guess the saddest part of all is we’re not told that we can get rid of it in our lives.

I can’t tell you that I’m utterly immune to envy- but I can tell you that I cried out to God to deliver me from something that was eating me from the inside out.

It was keeping me from achieving the wonderful things that I was meant to enjoy.

It was robbing me of a purposeful and joyful life.

I want to leave you with this.

Do you remember the story about the garden of Eden?

There was lots and lots and lots and lots and lots… and lots of stuff in the garden- more stuff than we can even begin to imagine! And all that stuff was made for one person to enjoy: Adam. That’s how the story starts out.

I remind you of this story to remind you of what an abundant giver God is.

God is not stingy.

He made you fearfully and wonderfully and He packed you with dynamite!

He has placed in you EVERYTHING you will ever need to have an awesome life.

The key to what you desire is not in others- it’s in you.

Don’t look at what others have- you’re wasting time and missing out on enjoying what you have.

There’s splendour waiting to be unleashed out of you. Please focus. Get it to us. We’re waiting.

 

Hannah Viviers is the Creator and Host of the Dream BIG TV Show.

Who are you?

This is not a philosophical question that requires you to look to the ceiling, ponder and then come up with some deep philosophical response…

I mean what value do you bring to the table in the business arena?

Your Profile

If you’re in business (even if as an employee) you need to put together a great profile of yourself.

So your profile simply tells us:

– What you’re doing now

– What makes you awesome at what you’re dong

– Some background about what you have done- only achievements relevant to your business (please leave out details such as you being a prefect in high school- quite frankly no one cares )

– Why we should hire you for a project/job

It’s important your profile does not exceed a page.

A great pic of you or a picture of your work as part of your heading is a great way to instantly elevate yourself from the rest.

Your CV/Resumé (The following order is merely a guideline)

– After providing your personal details, give a summarised version of your CV starting with your current employment/projects, then work history then relevant qualifications

– Provide current activities first i.e. where you’re currently working… Even if you’re not working ensure that you’re always (always) doing something in the interim. Never (ever) put UNEMPLOYED on a CV. Show that you’re a proactive person who’ll add value to potential employers.

– It’s important you see your CV as a marketing tool to get you the job/business you want. As such BOLDLY highlight your achievement. Provide figures to indicate the success you’ve achieved in your current job. DO NOT BE AFRAID TO SELL YOURSELF.

– Provide work history including all you were responsible for and accomplished in every role you occupied.

– Provide educational and other forms of qualifications you’ve received thus far beginning with your most recent qualification first.

– Provide contactable references

– Please leave your personal life out of your CV. Unless otherwise indicated your future employer is not concerned with whether you were cricket captain in college or whether you love jogging and walking your dog on the weekend- they don’t care whether you’re a Monopoly fan or “just LOVE” watching Greys’ Anatomy… They don’t care!

All they want to know is how you will add value to their operations so your goal is to show them that through your CV.

Only mention social or other activities that may be relevant to the job/business you’re proposing to acquire.

Your Cover Letter

This is where you should really spend some time.

Never send out general emails or applications to potential client or employers.

Work on your cover letter.

The cover letter is best positioned as the body of the email you send to your potential employer/client. Your profile and CV are attachments to that body of text.

The structure of your cover letter (guidelines):

– Dear … (make the effort to know who you’re sending the email to. Use their surname (make sure you spell it correctly and refer to them as Mr or Ms)

– Briefly outline your current employment and your role there

– Highlight what makes you great at what you’re currently doing

– Tell the addressee why you’re approaching them for employment. Make sure that all your reasons are positive reasons i.e.  growth in your career, value you envision adding to their operations. Never say things like you’re looking for higher pay, you’re not happy with where you are or you have limited opportunity where you’re working now… all this makes you sound like a moaner no one wants to work with.

So show your potential employer/client why they should want to work with you. Market yourself as an innovative individual who has much to offer them and they will just love LOVE having you!

– End with something along the lines of: Looking forward to hearing from you to further discuss my proposal to join your team.

– Please remember that, unless otherwise indicated, the subject in your Email should read: Proposal to work with… (mention specific project/department/company you’re applying to). Most good companies are inundated with hundreds, even thousands, of job applications every day. An email that’s headed: Job Application… will most likely be deleted without even being opened. Your subject line must be attractive, creative and stand out.

Online Presence

There’s no excuse to not have an online presence.

Build a professional profile on platforms such as LinkedIn.

Be savvy about who you connect with and make an effort to really network with people and not just add numbers to your social media platforms.

TOP TIP: When looking for work target companies you would like to work for. Find out who the relevant person (of influence and power) is that you need to speak to (it’s rarely ever someone in HR). Remember that for the most part HR does not make the decision of who gets hired- the boss does. So that’s who you need to be talking to.

Some companies might not even be looking to hire but if you have something fantastic to offer them the chances are they will rope you in to work with them.

Think out the box when you’re looking for work.

Be innovative. Bring something to the table that will make a positive difference to your potential client/employer’s bottom line.

When it comes down to it companies want to know how you will make or save them money. It pretty much boils down to that.

So what a company really wants to know about you is: Who are you? And how will bringing you on board make/save us money?

Keep that in mind.

Happy Hunting and Getting.

We put barriers up sometimes because love hurts. Doesn’t it?

I grew up in a culture where for the most part, women were treated like crap.

Most of the women I grew up around were beaten by their men, cheated on and treated more like items to be owned than human beings with hearts, souls and minds.

I think seeing all that hardened me somewhat.

It fanned a fear of men, in me, as ogres who feasted on the hearts of women.

In some part of my mind I saw men as heartless creatures who bulldozed their women without any feeling and when they had flattened them they would easily move on to obliterate their next victim.

I grew up around anxious women whose lives seemed to revolve around their men- men who so often seemed to disappoint; who so often seemed to fall short. Men who seemed determined to hurt the women that loved them.

Without knowing it I’d begun to learn that love hurt. Really bad.

By the time I’d reached my teens love had become a twisted dark foe who preyed on the weak.

And while my raging hormones sought the company of the beings I’d come to view as ruthless ogres- in my head I thought I’d secured my heart in a place where no man could hurt it.

By then I’d also learned that other women were not to be trusted- Turn your back on them and they would have nicked your man right from under your nose! Another twisted experience I’d encountered observing too many of the women I’d grown up around.

And would you believe it- my love life started out… um… really bad. Duh!

I encountered guys who’d sweep me off my feet and then soon after that would rip my heart out and chomp on it as though it were a midday snack.

I encountered some girl friends who were just as ruthless.

Duh!

I was receiving from life what I expected!

On occasion I’d stumble upon a “good guy” but would sabotage the relationship before it got anywhere meaningful… I didn’t even know I was doing this. 

For the most part however the guys who wandered into my life were the kind of guys most of the women I grew up around tangled with.

I thought being very clear of the high standards I held for the man I wanted would solve the problem. It didn’t.

I thought dating men who were “serious” about God would change my luck. It didn’t.

And then I met a man who seemed different from any man I’d ever encountered.

Before I knew it I loved him utterly and completely.

Finally! I’d found someone who’d take away all the hurt I’d gone through since I was a child.

He would blow away all the loneliness, rejection and abandonment I’d endured.

Finally! I’d found someone who would dedicate their life to making mine better!

He  would make it all up to me.

And while he seemed like the perfect candidate to repair all that had been broken and replace all that had been taken- I constantly reminded myself that he too were a man- and he too would inevitably hurt me. Which meant, I warned myself, that I had to be prudent in hiding my heart and bracing my love for him.

I had a plan. I would let love out only in tiny smithereens. And one day, I told myself, when he had proved his worth, his loyalty, his ascension above the ways of mere mortals, then I would give my whole self entirely to him. Then I would love him with abandon.

“All men are the same.” I’d heard.

In that statement I’d heard: “Oh just pick one and make it work. Because: They’re all the same.”

In my mind the best I could hope for was to pick one that wasn’t too ruthless. I’d come to believe that hurt was part of the package and it lingered on the horizon- constantly.

And so I married this guy. After all I believed he  was “the one” who would fix all that had gone wrong in my life. He was my new start…

[JAWS Music]

Come on! Of course you know that only in the movies does this scenario end well. In real life such expectation turns out bad. Really bad.

So it’s no surprise that the first few years of my life with this man were tumultuous, raw, and full of hurt.

Whenever he did or said something that hurt me- my pain was a hundredfold. The agony of any misstep he made was a reminder of all I’d experienced since I was a child!

When he hurt me my auto-response was to hurt him back.

Walls grew between us. Barriers of thick solid iron were erected. Eventually even the small smithereens of love I’d allowed myself to let escape every now and then dried up.

I was lonelier than I’d ever been. This sick, twisted thing called love had got me tangled in a bloody knot and I was its helpless prisoner- like so many women before me.

I had become the hurt, anxious, woman, that as a child, I’d vowed I’d never be.

I’d been so SO careful!  I’d say over and over to myself.

I couldn’t understand where I’d gone wrong!

How was it that I’d ended up making such a mess of things when I’d had so many things in place to prevent this hurt from happening!

Eventually I didn’t feel hurt. I didn’t feel love. I didn’t feel much any more. I was numb.

That state felt a lot better! Because in it the pain stopped. But I couldn’t be happy either. But at that time, not being happy was a little better than being unhappy and so, I decided this state worked from me.

After many conversations with a dear friend of mine (Let’s call her Mercy)- my conclusion was that this man I’d loved so much once had hurt me. That was never  supposed to happen. And so now I’d retracted my love and that was that.

My friend listened and then asked: “What do you think of someone who’s hurt you? Do you see them as deserving of your punishment for hurting you? Or do you think that perhaps they should be forgiven?”

Forgiveness?

What I wanted to say to her was: Forgiveness! Girl are you mad! Have you heard anything I said! Why would I forgive?

The truth was for the most part I rarely gave people second chances… If a person crossed me they were dead to me. Period.

Talk about serious unforgiveness issues!

People that hurt me deserved my wrath. Was that not the order of things?

I mean, if I forgave them it meant everything they’d done to hurt me was ok.

If I forgave them I would be giving them more rope to hang me with and eventually I’d be dead. Wouldn’t I?

“I think you view forgiveness and love as weaknesses,” my friend said.

Of course they’re weaknesses!  I thought.

My friend knew of my childhood. She knew of my experiences. And she could see that the barriers I’d built were all to protect me from being hurt. Yet those barriers were the main generators of my hurt.

Unforgiveness was a barrier.

Instead of being gracious to the man I’d decided to share my life with I’d chosen to be his judge and jury.

Many times he had been gracious to me… but the experience that had made me hard over the years belittled this as nothing. I allowed my hurt to be bigger than his grace toward me. In fact I allowed my hurt to be bigger than any good I saw in him.

Instead of being his wife and friend I had become his accuser and prosecutor.

Instead of building my home- I’d been ripping it down with my bare hands… because my view of love and forgiveness were twisted.

It’s a hard thing to forget the things of the past and to live in hope.

Hopeful that you don’t have to live the life you grew up around. Hopeful that your love experience can be different…

I do believe that as humans unforgiveness is our default setting. It comes easily to us.

Sometimes we say  we’ve forgiven. But we haven’t really. Because we’re still bitter about the hurt that was inflicted on us.

One of my biggest failings during the first several years of my marriage was not recognising that the dear man, I’d decided to make a home with had, also had experiences that had turned him inside out… He’d also brought hurts to our relationship and exhausting baggage that burdened him.

I’d failed to realise that every misstep I made toward him also reminded him of hurts that had been inflicted on him.

None of us comes to another without much preconception, skewed perception and misjudged conclusions.

There are some ruthless men out there. But yours might not be one of them. Give him a chance.

I have an awesome sisterhood. Women who hold me up in different ways. Women who affirm me and help me on my journey. They are iron and sharpen me in ways only other sisters can.

Had I held onto the belief that no woman can be trusted I would have missed out on these incredible women.

I have an awesome man. Just like me he’s not perfect.

But looking at him through gracious eyes that acknowledge that his life is not about fixing mine has opened my heart to the incredible man he is.

Instead of focusing and highlighting his shortcomings – I see him as a fellow traveller who also carries numerous battle scars- and as such I magnify his strengths, his goodness, his mercy, kindness and grace toward me.

One of the prayers I prayer often is that I would forget the past.

When I started praying this it seemed impossible at first.

But I can honestly say that every day I feel I’m forgetting a little more.

I’m redefining love as wonderful thing that is fully displayed by the powerful.

The strong can forgive.

Experiences do beat us into weakness. I’m not refuting that.

But loving and forgiving are not weaknesses. They are not the enemy.

True weakness is the inability to love graciously. True weakness is the inability to forgive.

Friend I’m not saying I’m there yet. I’m merely sharing with you a snippet of my journey.

You can be strong again.

The love you seek you first have to grasp in your own self.

There is no person, on this earth, who can fix you or your life or the things you’ve been through- it’s unfair to expect that from anyone.

It’s taken me years to learn that love doesn’t hurt. In fact love feels really really good.

And love doesn’t strip away. It builds you up and makes you strong.

I leave you with a word from Lisa Bevere. I stumbled upon it from Stormie Omartian’s book: The power of a praying Woman.

Lisa’s word is a powerful truth that sums up very simply what I have attempted to share in this post:

“For centuries women have wrestled and waged war with the sons of Adam in an attempt to get them to bless us and affirm our value. But this struggle has left us frustrated at best…. In the end, it is all a senseless and exhausting process in which both parties lose.

“It is not the fault of the sons of Adam; they cannot give us the blessings we seek, and we have frightened them by giving them so much power over our souls.

“We must learn that the blessings we truly need come only from God.”

–          Lisa Bevere