Not being good enough.
I think many of us suffer from that plague from time to time.
We doubt ourselves- we doubt our abilities- it’s absolutely normal but it is not ok.
Not ok because the truth is that in God we are phenomenal beyond our wildest imaginations.
A few days ago I was mad at God. I mean so mad.
I’d experienced what felt like an entire week of failures and I was angry with Him because I felt, Could I trust Him if all these things had happened?
Sometimes we say we still love and trust God “No matter what happens.”
But if we’re really and truly honest we’re quietly seething.
We may never say it but it’s how feel.
But I was mad. At Him. And there was no hiding it.
I was on the verge of giving up on some incredible things He’d spoken in my spirit because I was flushed of energy- flushed of Go- flushed of Belief…
I went back to seeing Him as the “God” I’d feared as a child: BIG and completely uninterested in me, my dreams, my desires and the little things that made my life Go.
And then my dear friend Mercy came to my rescue…
She said, “Hannah if you’re building a house, and one brick of that house falls out, does the entire house fall down?”
“No,” I answered, knowing exactly what she meant.
She went on to tell me that the house was a metaphor for my relationship with God. He never ever failed us- but sometimes it might feel as though He had.
She made me see that it was key to not trash the house because of one brick falling out of place.
I’ve found that the brick falling out of place is never a misstep on God’s part- it always stems from a wrong belief from me about Him.
I started calling God Father a few years ago.
This year I started calling Him Daddy- because I felt that loved by Him.
Sometimes though I still feel confused and unsure of His presence- for those times I’m learning to simply trust His Word that He will Never leave me- not ever.
Mercy has been teaching me that God cares about the tiniest things in my life- things that may not seem significant even to me!
Daddy God. The Name that Jesus came to this earth to reveal to us about, His Father, His Daddy.
Often I come across people who are hurting deeply, who feel abandoned and let down- it’s as though the entire world failed them and they were left to fend for themselves- alone-
I want to tell them that Daddy wants to heal all that hurt. He wants to redeem all they’ve lost in the way only He can.
I want to tell them that He wants to show them a Love that they have never experienced before nor will ever experience outside of His very safe and capable Hands.
Sometimes the person I need to tell these things is Me.
I have to remind Myself of this truth. Because staying in this truth is not automatic.
Storms come. And boy can they come!
When the waves are rising and I’m swimming against mighty waters it’s not easy to remember that He Loves Me.
The truest truth though is that He gives strength to not only swim but to walk on water though it rage fiercely against me.
Often that feeling of “not being good enough” affects everything.
The only thing that truly fixes that is Daddy’s Love.
What I hope to carry in me always is the awareness of my worth being in that God, Jesus, The Creator of the entire Universe Loved Me enough to deem me worth His own life.
The Father of all good things.
The Keeper and Protector of our Dreams.
In Him I am more than good enough- I am absolutely perfect. And able. And utterly amazing.